Change Your Marriage In One Day
Relationships are what you think of people.
Have you ever heard that? This is a new concept for me, so I am definitely not claiming to be an expert at coaching on this or having mastered the skill, YET. I have been made aware and I am at the beginning stages of implementing it. However, it has already had such a GREAT impact in my everyday life that I want to share it with you. Also, don't "they," say that you learn more by teaching? Okay, so you're helping me out here, thank you. I know that if you are here reading this, you are a motivated, self-reflecting, personal growth, lover. If you are here you want to live your life and thrive. You don't want to merely exist, you want to LIVE! And I believe that to live a gorgeous life we must change the way we think. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. " 2 Corinthians 10:5
I believe most of our lives we have believed that to feel anything amazing about ourselves, life or our relationships we are at the mercy of outside circumstances. I'm about to blow your mind. We are solely responsible 100% about what we feel based on the thoughts we allow our brains to have. I know, right?! It's alright, you can take a moment. It's a lot to take in. This for me personally, made me feel two ways. Relieved and petrified. So much responsability (ability to respond however I want to ANY circumstance.) Ha! Can you imagine? All these years I've been yelling at my husband, you make me feel, tadda, tadda, da! And I have been wrong, HE isn't making me feel a thing, I am choosing how I feel by what I am believing and thinking.
I will say that people are still responsible for their actions because we all are responsible for our actions. But after an "action" is done unto us, we choose what we feel based on what story we tell ourselves about it. Interesting, huh? There is a tremendous shift that has happened to me when something happens now, I've been choosing to say, "I am responsible." That phrase alone asserts in me the choice of how I want to feel about the situation. No one can make us feel anything, we choose our feelings. WHAT!? Are you serious? Yes, it's true.There are times when we will have to choose to feel upset in order to heal from the actions people inflict on us. I am NOT suggesting lying about the pain and hurt we suffer from the actions of others or even ourselves. We must choose to feel the pain of grief to be freed from that hurt. There's no way around it, we must walk through it! But we are walking throught it with our Heavenly Father, who promises to never let go of our hand! Not dealing with our wounds only causes other issues. However, the choice to grieve for yourself in a way that is honorable to God is much better than mudding up a situation feeling condemned, ashamed and burdened in a way that isn't healthy.
I'm going to give you an example: What you cultivate grows. ESPECIALLY YOUR THOUGHTS
Recently I made a change in my thoughts about my husband. I started to focus on what I love about him and chose to not have negative thoughts about him at all. What? I'm just kidding he's perfect. I'm perfect.... NO WE'RE NOT! We are both huge works in progress!! I choose to think great thoughts about him the other day, to experiment this new idea. I did this for an entire day on a "winter" season in our marriage. It wasn't that we were on bad terms, I just felt distant toward him and I began to notice the thoughts I was thinking about him and to be honest with you, they weren't great. They were complaining thoughts, focusing on the negative. So I made a vow that for one whole day I would only say wonderful things about him and think great things, even though I didn't feel that way at the time. I walked through my house yelling, "I love my husband." "I am so grateful for my husband." "I love this and that about him." "I am hot and passionate towards him!" I could not believe myself the next day when he returned from work, I had such lovie feels and I felt that "crushing" feeling, you know that one?! I was extremely ready to put our girls to bed at 5PM, if you know what I mean... wink, wink. I wanted to make love to this man, you know?! What changed? He didn't. But my thoughts did. It's so easy to focus on the negative things about our relationships, isn't it? I say we chose to make changes where we can truly have the most impact. Within us.
I believe most of us are being lied to into thinking that we need outside circumstances to feel good, peaceful, successful, joyful, loved. I believe that we can partner up with God and create an amazing life by being conscious of the thoughts we allow into our beautiful mind. And now, I fully believe that the responsibility for our relationships lies within us. The control to be at peace with those we are in a relationship with is truly our own. Am I saying this is easy? NOPE. I don't even know what I am talking about, I am actually hoping this made sense for you, ha! I'm still trying to make sense of it for myself. But I do challenge us to take a rocky relationship and change the thoughts we have about it and see what God begins to do within us. Ultimately, if we think good thoughts about all the people that have hurt us, WE are the ones that will benefit from it. Not them. And isn't it true that we are ALL capable of hurting one another? We all have the ability to disappoint. I think a lot of us are walking around reacting to so much disappointment like we can't live beyond it. Let's learn to live differently, no? If it's in our court to live a thriving life full of joy, love, and peace we must choose it!
Haven't you heard that old adage,"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and wishing the other would die." - Margaret Stunt
With much love and respect, I suggest we chose our thoughts carefully this week. I will mine. I hope you see a great shift in your life. If you do, I'd love to hear about it, friend!
Love // Libier