How To Forgive Yourself And Others | The Journey To Freedom
Hello, beloved friend, I am so fired up to tell you about my journey and lessons learned through the gift of forgiveness. I had a speaking engagement at a Middle school about forgivess and it inspired me to write to you about it, I also have a podcast I did about it because I am so passionate about the topic of forgiveness!
My story starts with me singing a beloved song of mine to my dying father three years ago on May 20, 2020. My father was dying of brain cancer and I got to hold his hand through his last breaths. I witnessed him dying and envisioned him living in CHRIST. The last words he heard were me singing him one of my favorite Christian hymns serenading his entrance into Heaven! A beautiful song, written by Stuart Townend & Keith Getty, In Christ Alone
In Chris alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
The only reason I stood over my father’s frail, cancer-ridden, body with joy and peace in my heart; was forgiveness. First and MOST importantly the forgiveness that was given to me by Jesus and the forgiveness I was able to extend to my, once very abusive, alcoholic, and critical, father.
My whole life I wished I could somehow make him stop drinking. I internalized that if I were more interesting, or better at stuff, or more impressive, maybe he would notice me. Maybe just maybe I could have his attention. But I was invisible. He didn’t notice me for a long time; so I began a host of super harsh, critical, inner mean coping mechanisms that ruined the better part of my life. I did so much to distract from all the pain and suffering I had been through with my dad. His abandonment, his emotional avoidance, and his anger toward me were catastrophic markers that impacted my life in a way that made me feel ashamed of myself. I developed an eating disorder, cutting myself for relief. I began addiction after addiction to so many things that would numb the pain for the moment and yet when I sobered up, I would be in a HUGE amount of shame, sorrow, and more feelings of sadness and helplessness. I hated being and feeling vulnerable and I began not trusting anyone, not even myself. I know what is like to be deeply betrayed by someone who is supposed to take care of you. And then you’re left feeling like what in the world would I ever forgive THAT!? That is not fair!
Well, most of life isn’t fair. You and I will suffer through many things that are awful. Not meant to be the story of our life and yet they make up the fabric of our past and we are left wondering, is there really a loving God? I am here to tell you the GOOD NEWS of forgiveness. It starts with perspective and the right tools:
The Trinity is with you giving you the power to forgive others and yourself
The Holy Spirit empowers you to forgive
God promises you justice in the end
And Jesus died on your behalf for your forgiveness.
When I have a hard time forgiving, I speak scripture over my soul, I love this one from Colossians!
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
My dad and I’s story would not have ended the same if I hadn’t had the courage to forgive him for all that hid did and didn’t do in my childhood. My father did many things right and he did many more wrong. His whole world revolved around his addiction to alcohol and the things he did once he has drunk were wrong, mean, and abusive.
I was a very tiny part of my dad’s story in knowing Jesus and accepting him as his Lord and Savior and I feel honored to have courageously confronted my dad about everything he did to harm me and how it impacted me. But in the same conversation, I also to told him I would forgive him because Jesus had forgiven me first! Little did we know that we only had a few years left together before he passed. He lived a very different life after he accepted Jesus. We bonded over coffee and talked about God when he would come over to my house. Little by little, I had the dad I had always wanted and he was a wonderful grandfather to my two daughters. He became one of my very best friends, I got to witness Jesus changing my dad and that was MIRACULOUS. Only Jesus can change a hardened heart, here Jesus healed my hardened heart and my dads! I BELIEVE in Christ because he has proved faithful and trustworthy to me. He has also taught me all that I craved to feel from my father, only Jesus could ever truly give me. My father was a human incapable of filling that longing to be 100 loved and accepted and that void can only be met by the Lord! He also gave me the freedom to suffer my experience with my dad in a fruitful way that healed me. Forgiveness is not minimizing our pain or experience! With Jesus, we are free to suffer instead of suffering to be free. And the BEST PART is He grieves with us. God is with us. We are never alone.
My heart aches and longs for my dad. I miss him so much and I thank God for his forgiving power towards me that enabled me to LOVE MY DAD. I am so grateful for that experience.
When you look up to God and heaven and see that all the hardships in this life are preparing for us something we can’t even imagine in Heaven it gives our sadness, pain, and suffering a different story! When we look at the fact that God promises to make the beauty of all the ashes of our lives that gives hope for our pain having purpose. We can’t change our past, but we can invite Jesus to our suffering and give him our wounds to heal and use for his glory!
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
I love you so much beloved friend! I challenge you to forgive those who have harmed you. Forgiveness makes room in your soul for the things God created you to be and do. Your pain will make sense to you when you notice that it has a purpose far greater than you can possibly imagine. God will NEVER waste your pain. If you give it to Jesus, he will make something beautiful out of even the worst parts of your story! You will love the fruit of forgiveness in your life! FORGIVENESS IS YOUR FREEDOM.
Stuart Townend & Keith Getty Copyright © 2001 Thankyou Music (Adm. by CapitolCMGPublishing.com excl. UK & Europe, adm. by Integrity Music, part of the David C Cook family, songs@integritymusic.com)
